Match Maker: So I Shipped My Two Friends
For those of you CHOSEN(uncultured, un-Wattpadded, un-civilized) few, who don’t know what “shipping” is, let me explain. Shipping usually happens when someone, who watches an ungodly amount of media, starts pairing characters together and rooting for them to get together. Usually this happens when hopelessly single young women project their desires onto empty, soulless characters who just happen to exist in a universe with superhot elves, vampires or aliens.
That being said, I definitely did this to two of my friends.
They are blissfully unaware at this point (or so I think), and for privacy purposes (I don’t need an army of fangirls), I will call them Dirk and Merry.
Both Dirk and Merry are peers of mine, attending the same college. They both have terrible roommates that steal food from them. Merry’s roommate even set up a taco bar in their shared room which caused it to reek for hours.
Now, you might be asking, “Do these guys even know each other?” That’s a fatal flaw in my plan to be the ultimate matchmaker. But yes, they do, in fact, know each other. Merry has described Dirk as “Spifforific” which is as close to a declaration of love as I think I’ll get. Dirk doesn’t know he’s madly in love with Merry yet, but I think once they share a dorm, it’s only a matter of time.
They’re both shy guys who will apologize for breathing if they sense irritation lingering in the air. But if paired together, perhaps they can see how constantly apologizing is unnecessary and overcome it as a couple.
I’ve imagined that Dirk is an exquisite chef while Merry lives on candy and fear. So that means that at least once a week they’d have a conversation like this:
Merry (Holding up a Twinkie): Is this the only sustenance I’ll need for the next three days?
Dirk: I’ve slaved over this spaghetti for six hours, raising the tomatoes myself, making the pasta by hand, grating the cheese from my pet goat, Abaddon, will you please try it?
Merry (THROUGH MOUTHFUL OF TWINKIE): I guess.
The fact of the matter is, they’d be perfect together. Or at least happier than they are now with their garbage roommates.
I’ve been subtly hinting to both of them that the other is in need of a new roommate. They’ve both been sorta nodding along, humoring me as if they don’t know they’re destined to be together.
They can fight fate as long as they please but it’s inevitable.
Long live Mirk.
